Mother of God: Top Ten Mothers
Happy Mother's Day
Graduations commonly occur. Wedding season begins. The trees officially go green. The weather app on the phone consistently says 75 degrees. It seems that May marks the beginning of the busiest time of year. With the jam-packed schedule and sunshine comes a level of forgetfulness. Dinners planned become innocuous, the book in the handbag goes untouched, and Mother’s Day becomes an event that is rushed.
“Oh my god, I had no idea” is a phrase that is said every year in relation to Mother’s Day, sneaking up on the population every May.
Due to this, this sacred day is frequently left on the backburner for too long - boiling over. Suddenly, the line is busy at your favorite florist. Siblings get into fights, debating who took care of Mother’s Day last year, although no one actually truly knows or remembers accurately. Even worse, no matter what you purchase or give your mother to thank her for everything, it never feels enough - it can never measure up. A bouquet is not equal to maternal sacrifice. Every year I send my mother pink peonies and I wish I sent a pink yacht instead - something I cannot afford.
The role of mother, the word alone - is something that compels. Just conceptually and socially, motherhood seems to be the edge of a cliff, teetering off of the tallest mountain. The expectations are insurmountable and frequently cannot be reached. They must fulfill every duty - be corporate, be a good cook, be nurturing, be stern, have the advice, stay out of your business - frequently there is no winning, but still she persists. Maybe I am just describing my own mother-son relationship. I do see as I age my image of my mother shifts, the superhero imagery fades and she slowly becomes a woman - just a girl in the world. With every passing year, my compassion for her grows. I find that most of our arguments and fights are rooted in just wanting the best for the other. In turn, a fight not worth having or a message miscommunicated.
I love my mother, but enough of the introspection. I want to list the mother’s that I think about every day - mother’s that deserve recognition. Mothers that live in my head rent-free.
Mary, Mother of God
I cannot start this list with anyone else. I mean, look at her. She’s god tier - but actually. She is not only the beginning of my catholic guilt and sexual shame, but she is also the beginning of my obsession with drapery. The fashion sense. Hello? Her garments are always elegantly draped over her frame. The veil. The blue. Iconic. Her stepping on a serpent with her bare feet? Mary stands on business.
Also, like - how does she handle the trauma of giving birth as a virgin and giving birth in a stable surrounded by animals? Like, that’s pure pandemonium.
And even worse, how does she handle losing her only son. I remember being a kid and contemplating that grief - feeling fear not even for her but for my future children who have now become unwanted hypotheticals.
Regardless, she’s the blueprint of motherhood and kindness. We should all strive to be so good. Or maybe this is an impossible image that should be disregarded. Whatever your opinion is, her place on this list is undeniable.
Hagar
If there is one thing I love, it’s a single mom.
Hagar, Mother of Ishmael went through the goddamn ringer and overcame all obstacles and not only raised a son - but raised the beginning is Islam. This woman really did the damn thing and she did it alone - proof that women can do anything singularly.
I called my family and friends this week and I was just really obsessing over Hagar. Many of these lapsed catholics had no idea who I was talking about which kind of had me gagged, so I am going to assume you don’t know either - so here is Hagar’s Tea.
Hagar was an Egyptian Slave that this woman bought her husband to keep AS A CONCUBINE! Deeply problematic. This husband and wife - Abraham and Sarah FKA Ibrahim and Sarai - the root of Judaism, Islam, and Christianity - hence the term Abrahamic Religion.
Anyway, Sarah was like “Abraham I CANNOT have a child - so let’s have a baby via a surrogate,” so Sarah did this in the worst possible way. I doubt Hagar was even down with this plan - like, this must’ve been ANNOYING and TRAUMATIZING. This side relationship brought about the birth of Ishmael. For a little bit Sarah and Abraham raised Ishmael as their own. Until God got this dysfunctional couple on the damn line.
God was like - we’re changing your names and we’re going to give you a baby of your own also you’re like monotheistic now - and they were both like “Okay.”
That’s when Sarah miraculously gave birth to Isaac. You’d think they’d maybe want to have a blended family and let Ishmael and Isaac have a brotherhood, but Sarah was NOT DOWN.
She was like “Abraham, we are kicking out Hagar and Ishmael.” Like, what kind of person does that? Did Sarah have a maternal bone in her body? Regardless, Abraham had trouble with this ultimatum. He was like “God, what would you have me do?”
God came through and was like “Happy Wife, Happy Life” and Abe was a diva down. Hagar and Ishmael were cast out. However, God gave a reassuring message - “Do not worry about your son - he will become a great nation.”
Hagar and Ishmael were on their own. Hagar was probably traumatized but she persevered and clearly raised a good one. Hagar deserves her flowers for the shit she put up with.
Rihanna
You guys. Rihanna is just so damn hot. She gave birth to a child while wearing pearls.
That’s enough for me to add her to the list.
Stream ANTI on Spotify.
Reba McEntire
Another single mom but this one WORKS TWO JOBS!
Reba’s husband left her for some other woman and she was just cool with it.
She was like “I have a job to do,” and she did not lose focus on raising her dysfunctional ass family.
I am also talking about Reba’s character on her show, also named Reba.
I don’t really watch that show or know anything about it but the theme song left a huge impact on me.
Elizabeth James
God, I miss Natasha Richardson so much. Like, resurrect Natasha ASAP!
Anyway, Elizabeth James from The Parent Trap was the DREAM MOTHER!
When you first see her coming down the stairs in an off-white shift dress and a short blonde shag - you’re taken to another planet. She exudes this sophistication and glamour. Her hugging her daughter in slow motion. She was every Disney Child’s Mom. When I watch the movie now in my thirties - I still experience an accelerated heartbeat.
When she is smoking in the closet and stressing about seeing her ex-husband?
She had no fear of being herself in front of her family.
When she saves the entire photoshoot with a top hat?
It was clear she could fix anything and fix it effortlessly.
My only question is, how did Dennis Quaid’s character ever let go of Elizabeth James? She is quite literally the perfect woman. Stylish, beautiful, humorous, and certain of herself.
Not only did I want her to be my mom, but I hoped to be her when I had a family of my own.
Mary Tyrone
This woman is so damn dysfunctional. If you don’t know who this is, this is the mother in Eugene O’Neill’s famous play Long Day’s Journey Into Night (1956).
This woman is a representation of a mother who is flawed but still loved. Mary, addicted to morphine - her son’s and husband have a love for her that is tarnished with disappointment and regret.
Mary frequently goes into herself and her memories - contemplating her youth and former promise. She expresses her regrets and blames her family for her addiction. It’s a devastating depiction that is frequently reality, however - every time I have experienced the play I have always thought “even a love that is destructive has high value.”
We can and should love people even when they are at their worst. Of course there are always exceptions, every situation is different - but love is less of a feeling and more of a practice.
Michelle Obama
Dude, I’d take a bullet.
Also, she’s a Capricorn and I love that.
Judge Judy
Judy takes no bullshit. In a lot of ways, Judy did raise me through the television screen.
Her telling clients “Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining.”
Her having zero hesitation in calling out someone’s lies.
Judy really made me into a stronger individual.
Kris Jenner
I’m obsessed with Kris, conceptually. I don’t even watch The Kardashians, but Momager Kris is ingrained in the long game zeitgeist.
Her young daughter had a sex tape and she was like “you know what, I’m taking this to the bank.”
She successfully built her daughters, her family, and her brand. She is truly a maternal legend.
Very obsessed with her attitude. I always think about Kris yelling at Kim for taking selfies during their Khloe Prison Pilgrimage. “Kim, stop taking pictures of yourself, your sister is going to jail.”
My Own
I love you Mom.
You emit a warmth that is innate. The way you give love cannot be taught. You exude a softness that many people lose overtime. There’s so many things I love about you. I love that you love the color pink and I love that we share a love for Princess Diana. I appreciate and respect the tough decisions you have made in life. Life has not been easy for you and yet you’re still kind. You still have whimsy and childlike wonder.
You have always made me feel loved and that does not go unnoticed.
I’ll see you soon Diva!
Happy Mother’s Day to all the Mothers in the World. You are the axis that we continue to spin.
Cannot stop laughing recalling the Reba theme song. Absolute gold