OBSESSIONS OF APRIL 2025
I still think 'bout that night out in Boston
I’m writing to you from a coffee shop. It’s late afternoon. It’s midweek. The way the sun is flowing through the floor to ceiling windows, I just know that I have that amazing glow that the Pernice Brothers were singing about. I suffer from reverse seasonal depression, not officially diagnosed but the way my mind and body consistently react to warmer temperatures and longer days, you’d think I was entering a tundra of despair. However, I’m finally coming out of it. My taxes are paid and my future feels possible. Before I jump into the obsessions of April I just wanted you to know that I am the epitome of Caitlyn Reilly’s “Girl Who Is Going to Be Okay” - iced matcha latte and all. So, let’s get to it.
Revolving Doors and Tate McRae
Tate McRae, Addison Rae, Sabrina Carpenter - we have returned to the early 2000s. Pop music is back - and I’m not talking about the subgenres. I’m talking about 100% Pure Pop Music. Pure. Pop. Pure like the good cocaine your competent LA friend brings to the AirBNB in La Jolla. Pure like the heart of Saint Bernadette. Pure like Britney Spears walking across a CGI bridge in the Stronger video.
However, Revolving Door specifically has taken me to another planet. The white button down, the white thong, the hair extensions, the sharp eye make-up, the fucking lyricism. The song is addictive. Earlier in the month I was walking down the Italian Market and I thought I was the main character walking past all the produce.
Many of my friends have criticized McRae. Nothing special they say. Trashy, they call her while we’re at dinner. Or my favorite, She’s an Industry Plant. You know what I have to say: She is trash and so am I and so are all of us. And guess what, if she’s a plant then she was a necessary plant. There has been a hole in the realm of pure pop. Yes, Charli XCX is Pop - but she has this alternative indie thing. Charli is too cool for pure pop. She’s something different entirely. She’s playing a different game. Yes, we have Chappel - but she’s also something else too. She exudes this queer-thought-provoking-narrative. Tate and Addison - they are pure pop. We haven’t seen anything like this since 2002. So, if Tate is a plant - let her be the plant. Let her give us the oxygen we need.
Also, the lyricism is incredible. When she says “I still think about that night out in Boston.” - Tate, if you’re reading this - please, what the hell happened in Boston? Was it at Lana’s Fenway Show?
If anyone knows, let me know.
Ramona Singer Facetune
I just love when a housewife uses facetune. I wonder if they think maybe we won’t notice. Maybe they don’t fully know what they look like? I know I’m not fully self-aware of my appearance. Regardless, what a treat to see such extreme facetune. It’s like a bank holiday every time a housewife pulls this shit.
Aimee Lou Wood
It was an honor watching Chelsea live and die on White Lotus. The most beautiful character. It was obvious she would die from the beginning. I really loved this season of White Lotus. It was Shakespearean. I was obsessed..
Aimee Lou Wood is just beautiful. I have a thing for teeth. I remember in college this boy had a gap tooth and I was like “Why am I hard looking at him?” Turns out, I love a gap tooth. The Georgia Jagger of it all. The Amy Winehouse of it all. The Aimee of it all. I just think she’s gorgeous.
Also, the Silver Springs Instagram Walton Goggins drama was MADE FOR ME. Like, did they or did they not fuck on set??? If anyone has answers - call me.
Rachel Dolezal
I was on the phone with a friend and she made a quippy reference to Dolezal. My first reaction: “Why is that name so profoundly familiar to me? Did we go to high school with her?”
No, she was the white woman who pretended to be black and was the president of her NAACP chapter like ten years ago. Insanely problematic behavior that I am obsessed with because like who is that insane to do something like that? Morally Corrupt and Delusional. It’s so offensive and outlandish. I had to google her. Where is Rachel Dolezal now? When I pressed enter and my page loaded - I was met with insanity. She changed her name! Dolezal is now Nkechi Diallo. The name alone gives the sense that she is doubling down on her misleading and false racial identity. Her most recent career, teacher. She was fired though due to having an OnlyFans account. Sex work is real work and should not be a reason to dismiss someone.
One night past midnight, I opened ChatGPT to create Dolezal’s resume for me. If it is correct then wow, her resume is fire - too bad all of it was built on a deeply offensive lie.
Wondering when Prince Charles will die
I will never call him king. That diva is not king even though technically like yeah.
Having said that, this is a valid question I think about. He’s not physically well. I don’t wish death on anyone, this is not what this is about. I just always see headlines. Hospital. Cancer. Looks sick. Bedridden. It’s like okay shit or get off the pot. You know?
Joe Baena
We are all talking about Patrick Schwarzenegger, but when you see Joe Baena you’re like “Damn, Pat is mid.” I already thought Patrick was mid, but he’s richer than me so who cares what I think.
You know Arnold Schwarzenegger had a son out of wedlock which led to the dissolution of his marriage. Arnold literally fucked and came inside the housemaid and she gave birth to Joe. This guy looks JUST LIKE ARNOLD. It’s undeniable. You look at Joe and it’s like “let’s not even spend the money on the paternity test.” It’s like, I don’t need a meteorologist to tell me when it’s raining.
Joe is like a hot little Arnold. The best part, he stuck with his mother’s name. He just wants to lift weights and sell real estate in Santa Monica. He’s also so cute to me. Also, just watched The Long Goodbye (1973) with Elliott Gould and a young Schwarzenegger can be seen in an uncredited role shirtless. Iconic!
RHOC
I started watching the Real Housewives of Orange County from the beginning and wow. This being the original Housewives franchise - the first four seasons feels like I am doing archival research. What were the original bones of this show? What was the show’s initial intent? When watching I can honestly say that the creators did not know what they were creating - they were just doing - which I think is the most honest way to make art. With no intent, just a pull to create. Literally throwing spaghetti at the wall. Hoping for the best.
Vicki Gunvalson screaming at the top of her lungs while typing on a laptop in a limousine? Everything. She is clearly escaping into her work because her marriage is unsalvageable and her children are awful. She is trying to control the narrative of her life and failing miserably. It’s stunning to watch. Lauri is suffering while trying to build her life from scratch in this opulent neighborhood all while her son is struggling with drug abuse. Jo is dating an older guy and can’t decide as to whether or not she has a place in this gated community. The journeys go on-and-on. At one point someone makes an OC energy drink with a campaign called “The OC Angels,” hiring young teenage girls to model in bikinis while holding aluminum cans. It’s bonkers. It’s perverse. It’s 2007. It’s everything one could ever want.
The way scenes are cut and transitioned like I just downloaded and used an adobe product on a Gateway Computer with malware? The Charlotte Russe fashions? The ability to dine al fresco year round? These women have my heart.
Iggy Azalea
When I think about her I am always like “What the fuck was that?” She is like an alcohol-fueled-one-night-stand that I cannot excuse or explain away. How did we as a culture approve of her? Having said that, the Work video is hypnotizing. The outfits, the hair, the body, the lyrics. Two feet in the red dirt, school skirt? Incredible.
I don’t know, I can’t say anything else except she manages to be both a legend and a has-been. A forgotten icon that should stay forgotten. Nasty words? I don’t know. Sorry. Stream the New Classic on Spotify. Does that make up for it?
Garcelle Beauvais unfollowing Sutton Stracke on social media
It’s about fucking time.
I am a Real Housewives Gay. I hate labels, but I proudly wear this one like a desirable Eagle Scout badge. In the history of Beverly Hills - there have been very few friendships like the one shared between Garcelle and Sutton. Over the past four years, these two women were as thick as thieves. They were annoying as fuck together, but I had to admire them. It was two against the world. There’s nothing like having a friend like that. However, the problem with being as thick as thieves is that it is easily combustible and it’s not a matter of if it breaks, but when. Stracke is a spineless southern white woman with endless cash flow. Beauvais is the American Dream. A Haitian woman who became the most beautiful It Girl of the 1990s. Fashion shows and television appearances. Although her career has since floundered, the women can’t deny - her career history is unmatched and her dating roster would make any Hollywood girl envious and aroused.
Sutton and Garcelle were unlikely besties and they were unbreakable. That was until this season. Here’s the dynamic: Sutton would say nasty things to the other women. The other women would aggressively clapback. Garcelle came to her aid. Sure, sometimes the women attacked Sutton for no reason - but once someone becomes the community punching bag, there’s really no going back.
However, this season - Sutton was begging for Kyle Richards, the head of the table, to love her and accept her. In this desire to sit at the popular table, she inadvertently left Garcelle in the lurch. Garcelle even stated that she felt like Sutton did not have her back.
At the reunion, Garcelle made it subtly but abundantly clear that lines were drawn and bridges were crossed. There was no going back for our girl. At the end of the reunion she walked off and jumped in the car - abandoning Sutton. Sutton did not have Garcelle’s back. Sutton did not support Garcelle when she needed her.
Garcelle announced her departure on social media and unfollowed Sutton on all social media. If Sutton can’t have her back, then Garcelle will perform the ultimate abandonment - leave her alone in a room of women who hate her. Now Sutton, who has a sharp tongue but poor intellect, will have to deal with these women as they swarm her next season.
Can’t wait to see her get cannibalized by these women in Winter 2025.
On another note, I hope Dorit continues to smoke Parliament cigarettes.
Live Fast, Die Young, Italian Catholic Do It (Easter) Well
But seriously, I don’t know how Italian Catholic Families eat so much food.
I went to my Italian boyfriend's family Easter and I am always so moved by the spread. First we had an intimate brunch with strawberries, quiche, sausage, and the most divine bacon you have ever seen. His mother literally has the magic touch in the kitchen. Her skills in the kitchen cannot be bought. It’s an intelligence that is inherited. My boyfriend has that same magic touch in the kitchen. It’s truly a culinary marvel. The whole family is Sarah Michelle Gellar in that bad movie. I think it’s called Simply Irresistible? The one that she is an amazing chef and owns a restaurant? I love the SMG renaissance we’re in right now. That’s a different topic.
We move on to his aunt’s house and they have more food. I don’t know how they eat and stay thin. They eat and look like the Gilmore Girls.
Regardless, I had a good Easter. I really love Easter and I love eating. By the time we left I was a ball being rolled to the car.
That’s it for me. Leave a comment and tell me what’s been on your mind this month.
“did we go to high school with rachel dolezal” 😭
Tate, addison & sabrina ❤️